Starting anew. Since I am going to try & keep this a non-sports blog (sure I am), I decided to go back to a series that meant quite a bit to me. Part 1 below was originally posted in December 2009. As is my norm, I have not done any editing, so here goes.
L.I.V.E.
Somehow I knew it would get to this. One of my hesitations in starting a blog is the accountability it brings. My last post said I'd 'ponder/think/dwell' more with the idea LIVE or live life and post more later. Ugh!! I could take the easy way out & just stop blogging altogether. Quitting and running is something I've gotten quite good at in my life. Not 'bragging' but just stating a fact. In the last 5-10 years however, I've also challenged myself to face an uncertain task or event I'm faced with. This blog is by no means "life" or death but it is turning out to be a challenge. Not sure where it will lead, but I started it so I will continue to blog another day......(cue hero music...NOT).
I digress, only a little. The night after my last post, I felt really good about it & the direction I thought it was supposed to go. A couple of days or so has passed since then & I have been pushing it to the back of my mind, preferably never to be heard from again. Why? I have this insane fear of sounding or looking stupid. I am by no means a bible scholar, nor evangelist, Christian author, pastor/preacher/teacher, or any other title/position involved in Christianity. People could argue with me or make one criticism of something I have said/done in a post or even a simple conversation, and it pierces my heart. I know I shouldn't let it but it does. I think it has to do with my identity.
My identity for most of my life has been in what others have said to me or about me. Not going to get into it here but growing up, I craved the acceptance and words of praise from those around me. I didn't get it very much. As I grew, I looked for it in other ways but the underlying feeling was still there. Still is to some extent. However, I have grown to be more selective in who I look for words from. My husband, certain family members, very few friends, my children and probably my pastors. There is one exception to that list.
~~~~If I know/believe I have heard from God about something and someone who is respected says something that almost contradicts what I believe, I am completely thrown for a loop. I don't handle it very well. I tend to get hurt, angry, and the like toward that person. They may not have meant it in a derogatory way but that's how "I took it". It's almost as if it's a slam against me as a person. It causes me to question whether or not I actually heard God or no; whether I know God at all. I don't even necessarily have to know the person--if they just say something contrary to what I heard....look out. It's not a pretty sight.~~~~
Nevertheless, I am posting this blog for all to see. I will attempt to continue this no matter how critical people get; even those closest to me. I will LIVE life unashamedly, unabashedly as God's blogging mama. How do I do that? Hmm.....let's see:
L=Love with mercy
As I said before, sometimes I don't take criticism very well. The criticism I take quite personally. Does it affect my life? Sure does. I'm a dweller/thinker/ponderer so those words have a long shelf life in my brain. That's not to say I don't forgive them. Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. Forgiveness is a heart choice; forgetting is a 'brain' choice. They're both choices that we make and have to walk out; not easy to do regardless. So even if someone hurts me with their words, to LIVE life, I must choose to "Love with mercy".
In searching for a definition of mercy I found this: "A disposition to be kind and forgiving" http://www.thefreedictionary.com/mercy. Whew, does that hit the nail on the head. In Matthew, chapter 18, Jesus tells Peter a parable (story) about a king who wanted to settle the debts his servants had with him. In the parable, one of his servants begged the king for more time to settle his debt (asked for mercy). The king had mercy by cancelling the debt (showed kindness and forgiveness). That same servant went out and found a man who owed him a debt (much less than what the servant had owed the king). The man begged for more time (mercy) but the servant refused (unkind and unforgiving). The servant then had the man thrown in prison for failure to pay his debt. Other servants heard of this action and went to tell the king. Upon hearing the news, the king brought the servant in and said: "Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?" (verse 33). I'll let you read what happens to him yourself in Matthew 18, verse 34.
God has given me mercy. He is kind and forgiving of me when I say or do something wrong or stupid; even when something I say hurts someone else. So, I need to apply that same principle here. "Love with mercy", even if it hurts.
Do you "Love with mercy"? Loving with mercy means everyone; not just those you choose to have in your sphere of influence. I could go on and on but I'll leave it at that for YOU to dwell/ponder/think about.
Until next time,
RSPS Sunny
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