A parent should never have to bury their child.
I've heard that statement through the years as I'm sure you have too. I believe it whole-heartedly. Invariably, it happens every single day. There are parents somewhere in this world, even as I type, who are burying their children today. For reasons that vary, a child has died before their parent. And the questions arise within me.
Last Sunday, my son's school cross country team gathered for their annual pre-practice barbecue. This year, high school teams could not have official practices until August 23rd. It's become tradition though for the cross country team to have their midnight run on the first day of practices. They barbecue on Sunday evening and come midnight, they have their first official run. This run, however, would not even happen.
Just before midnight, some of the guys began to do a warmup run. Although I wasn't there, from what I've been told, one of the guys just collapsed. Coaches came over to assess, begin CPR, use the equipment they had at the school and call 911. Depending on how you look at it, fortunately, his parents live on school grounds, as the caretakers of the school campus. So, one of the coaches had to notify his parents what was going on.
Within 5 minutes the paramedics were there. They took over working on the young man from the coaches. They continued to do so while taking him to the hospital but to no avail. He was pronounced dead there. Just like that. He was gone. He went from having fun with friends to death that fast.
I do not know the whole explanation for what happened other than it had to do with his heart and it happened quickly. Nor do I know if there was anything that anyone could have done any faster than what the coaches did. I don't believe so. But what I do know is that I will never understand this type of situation. Yes, I'm a Christian. Yes, I understand where the young man is now. He's in heaven. That I have no doubt. But, I don't understand why a child has to die before a parent.
Maybe I don't understand because I never want that to happen to me. I am very passionate about my children. I love them so very, very much. God has given me 3 very precious gifts and I do not take that lightly. They are gifts. To be apart from them is extremely hard. When our daughter first moved out, it was heartbreaking, in more ways than one. Being the prodigal she is has brought extra heartache for us but, as time has gone on, the heartache has lessened. I could not imagine, though, never seeing her again until heaven. Or my boys for that matter.
And so, I'm left with the question of why? Well, let's keep this in perspective shall we.....possibly his parents are left with that question. Although I do know that they know he is with Jesus. You would have to think that part of the grieving process is asking the question of why. Why a child? Why?
It's the question that is often time met with an elusive answer. Religious folks I'm sure would say because 'He is God so just accept it'. That's a fine answer, albeit true, but that does not assist in the grieving process. Super spiritual folks may say, 'because God wanted him with Him more'. Umm, not sure how to respond on that one because I don't find that thinking in my bible anywhere but if that's what gets you through, so be it. Scientific folk would give you the medical explanation of all that happened in this young man's heart. That would be a fine, true answer but that wouldn't heal the hurt inside. Others might even say, 'because it just is what it is'. Maybe, but that only enhances the emptiness in side. So what is the answer?
The answer to why is: I DON'T KNOW!
I don't know why children die before parents. I don't know why floods happen on this earth. I don't know why earthquakes strike. I don't know why pedophiles are allowed to live. I don't know why human trafficking can't be stopped. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it's a combination of all of those answers above. Maybe it's none. Or maybe it's found in the process. I don't know.
So, what do I know?
What I know is this. If that or any other type of tragedy were to happen to me, I would not want to go through it without knowing God. I would absolutely, positively have to have Jesus in my life at that very moment. The anguish of the "why" questions can only be calmed by God's comforting presence. There is an unmistakable peace that comes over you when you are truly in God's presence. I'm not talking feelings, I'm talking a true sense of peace.
That doesn't mean the process will be easier. In fact, for some, it may make it harder because of the type of questions asked. And that may be why, so many people leave the "church" or turn away from God. Their perspective is: 'If he is God, then how could he let this happen?'. Valid point. But, a valid point without knowledge can drive you crazy. Literally.
That perspective really is a judgment on God. What I mean is, that question really is a statement: How could God, if he is God, do this to me? I know because I've asked that question before. Not when a child has died but for other reasons almost as difficult. I've asked it. The only thing it brought me was more pain, more sorrow and more grief. But when I asked Him for help, for comfort, and to walk me through my process.....He did. And He does. And He always will. It doesn't stop all of the feelings because that is part of the process. But, I have Him with me. To get me through it all.
So wherever you find yourself right now, please say a little prayer for this family. Just because they're Christian doesn't mean they don't hurt. We're all human. We all have hurts and pains. Say a prayer that God's presence will comfort them through this challenging time. And say a prayer that He will help with the why's.
Until next time,
RSPS Sunny
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